Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize