she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
