I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
