Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
