evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
