everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
