I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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