someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
