we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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