im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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