Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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