Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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