he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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