New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
