I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
