I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
