well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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