he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize