Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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