if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
