Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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