glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need to stop coming to work sober
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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