dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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