You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
