so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
