i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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