i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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