I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
