We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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