I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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