i was born a porn star she said
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
