My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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