so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
