We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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