I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
