I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is Oprah even human
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
