office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
