i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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