someone get that fucking seahorse.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
