i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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