his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
