He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
