If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
