I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
