just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
