3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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