If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
