i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
