It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
