yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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