Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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