some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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