She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
