last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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