i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
