We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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