I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
