that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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