Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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