you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
