trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
whose ass print is on the piano?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
