that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
