Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
