i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
